Nothing

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts, prayers and support.

We still know nothing. Have heard nothing.

I am patiently waiting to feel nothing. Isn't that the next step in grief? To go from raw, constant pain, anger, and sadness to just feeling....nothing? I want that numbness.

It's hard to be in the house with his things. His bed, his toys, his blanket, his food dish. I didn't realize how many pictures I had up of him until now. His image is everywhere.

He is my first born. My first baby...just with fur.

We weren't looking for a dog when we got him as a teeny puppy 6 years ago. But I knew from the moment I saw him, that he was different from other Yorkies. He was just....special.

It's hard not to smile when you see him. You can't resist bending down to pet him or pick him up. If we have Bentley with us and come across a stranger who doesn't respond positively to him, it's hard to trust that person.

He stayed with me every moment while I was home on bedrest the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy, even though my lap eventually disappeared. And then the twins came and Bentley went from being the top man on the totem pole to 3rd place. He has always been in denial of his new place on the pole. He quietly insists on my attention whenever he can get it. When...and if....he comes home to us, I will make more time for him.

I promise with all my heart.